J-House/Chicktown Product Steals Own Left Shoe; Cites War-Torn History

Vancouver, Canada (AP) --
Chloe Joanna Jones stole her own left shoe today, and her therapist is blaming a history of family conflict.

"Aaaaaah, wuh, wuh, waaaaah," Jones explained in a statement earlier today.

Apparently her parents came from backgrounds where this kind of thing was accepted as "normal."

When asked whether she was planning any kind of retaliation, Chloe pointed to her right foot, which was also, strangely, missing a shoe.

Psychiatrists also suspect that Chloe's parents, Andrew and Whitney Jones, had subliminal conflict issues coming to the surface when they gave Chloe the initials "C.J." -- the same initials as "Chicktown" and "J-House."

"I, I had no idea..." stammered Andrew, just before collapsing onto the couch in tears. "What have we done?"

Other interesting phenomena have also been reported, including long-distance urination, poo-wars, and the inability to properly use a toilet.

One other J-Chick product is rumored to exist somewhere in Oklahoma. Whether he has experienced similar challenges is unknown.


Postscript: When the subject of the proper use of the title "Commander" was mentioned in connection with research for this article, Chloe laughed, farted loudly, and refused to study Calculus.